I created a piece of artwork I call The New Heart that symbolizes how my brother Drew gave me a tremendous gift in his death. Drew was my baby brother, 14 years younger than me. He came to live with our family during 2005 for a short time while preparing for grad school. At the time, we had no idea what a blessing it was going to turn out to be. I just thought it would be great to have him around and get to know him as an adult finally.
Before living with us, I mostly had memories of Drew as a baby and child. Our age difference and the size of our family limited how close our connection was. (There were 8 children originally but that expanded to 12 with my mom’s remarriage and the adoption of 2 more). The few months in 2005-06 when he lived with us, built my stockpile of memories to overflowing in comparison to what I had before. I got to see his kindness, gratitude, silliness, sense of humor, love of books and music, passion for conservation, and so many other simple things in life. I got to see him play with my children, fall in love for a short time again, play the guitar, hear his big strong laugh and struggle with a variety of things.
Then one day I heard him walk out our door to take a jog. My daughter begged me to take her somewhere and minutes later we found ourselves at an emergency scene down the street. I stopped to see if I could help and discovered Drew fallen on the sidewalk leaving this life. In the days after Drew died, I ran by the spot where he died and cried over and over. Sometimes having to stop and sit on the curb until I was done. Then I began to dialogue with Drew about my grief, my love for him, what I wished I had done, what I was glad we did do, and so on. Many times I felt Drew’s presence with me running by my side sending me comfort and love back in return. One of the images that most stuck with me from these experiences is a mental impression of him standing at the sidewalk where he died, holding his hands together, palms facing each other, in front of his heart, in the position that people do when they say “Namaste.”
Namaste is roughly translated to be a sign of greeting that conveys ‘the divine in my soul honors the divine in yours.’ As he honored my soul, I caught vision of how I could honor it too – by living with an open heart. I realized I could not protect myself in life by being closed or attempting to shield my heart from pain. I saw that a life lived without regret meant to be willing to be vulnerable and open my heart to all life has to offer – the joy and the pain. This small recognition had a huge effect on my ability to heal and live with more purpose and meaning. I created this piece to remember the lesson I learned that day. The outer portion of the piece represents the enlarged heart that led to his death, the hands represent Drew’s offering me a gift. The gift is represented by the small, new heart, symbolizing the new open-hearted way of life that he inspired in me. Thank you Drew. May I always live with an open heart and be present to receive all the gifts that life has to offer me.
Ceramic Piece: The New Heart
Walking Through Grief 